Cinerant

In Case of a Bear Attack

One of my friends from church, R,is going hiking this weekend. He was talking to someone else at church, M, about it yesterday. M is a Native American, so he's trying to make sure R is prepared.

He asks if R has a snake bite kit. R admits he doesn't, but he ought to pick one up this week. He also acknowledges that in the past while hiking, he just tries his best to avoid snakes. (Personally, I try to avoid them at any point--whether it's hiking or at the zoo, but that's just me and this story isn't really about me.)


M then asks if R knows what to do in case of a bear attack. R admits he hasn't the foggiest suggestion. (I'd throw a Fozzie joke at him and see if that made him run--wacka wacka wacka.) M says that he's been told if a bear approaches you should stand up, wave your arms, and make a lot of noise, trying to scare the bear away.

He then said that if the bear starts to attack you, you should stuck your finger in the bear's anus. Apparently, that gets the bear all discombobulated so that you can escape. Of course, as R said, "If I'm getting attacked, I hope I have the wits about me to look for a bear's anus." (Apparently, R's wife was more concerned about getting bear poop on your hand than anything else in this scenario. Quite possibly a reasonable concern.)

My reaction to this story was immediately thinking of myself in this situation. Without a doubt, I'd get attacked by a female bear, stick my finger up the wrong hole and wind up with a friend for life--not really what I'd want.

Of course, we have no idea if M was telling the truth or if he was trying to pull a fast one. Anybody got any clue whether this is a legitimate tactic or not? I'd love some feedback on this one.

posted by cinegod @ 8:36 AM